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Yashoda
“Leave her to me. I will protect her. … You were born to do Swamiji's work”
Shivabalayogi often reminded devotees of their soul
connections with him. Few had a connection as close and on a daily basis as Miss K. Yashoda.
Yashoda cooked for Swamiji personally as well as for the ashram residents and guests. In effect, she was the Shivabalayogi ashram day-to-day manager who supervised the kitchen, the shopping, the temple decorations, and the garden. She worked for Swamiji at the main ashram at J.P. Nagar in Bangalore for over two decades. After Shivabalayogi entered mahasamadhi, she worked for twenty-nine years at the Adi Ashram, Swamiji's very first ashram in Adivarapupeta.
There was a good chance that a visitor to the Bangalore ashram would never see Yashoda unless it was before sunrise when she was decorating the gods in the Brahma-Vishnu-Maheshwara temple, or in the afternoon when she worked in the garden. Her focus always remained upon taking care of Swamiji. She worked unseen by the general public. Even during the evening bhajans at the Bangalore meditation hall when devotees gathered to enjoy and share Shivabalayogi's darshan, she was working behind the scenes. Yashoda had little interest for public attention.
If you did meet Yashoda, you would come to love her innocence, her enthusiasm, and her child-like giggle. If you got the chance to chat with her, you would be awed at the depth of her soul and humbled by her experiences and insight.
Yashoda knew instinctively what Swamiji had to teach to many others: Swamiji's duty was to take care of the devotees, but it was the devotees' duty to take care of Swamiji's body. It was Yashoda who focused on taking care of Swamiji and that focused devotion allowed Swamiji to train her to serve devotees. Swamiji would tell her that she was born to serve Shivabalayogi.
Swamiji often called her simply Amma ("Mother") although she never had children or even married. Devotees affectionately called her Akka ("Elder Sister"). She was a dear sister.
Yashoda was a physical extension of Shivabalayogi. She was his hands, eyes and ears. Of course, we all are, but Yashoda's devotion and selfless work made her a very, very exceptional manifestation of Shivabalayogi.
From childhood, Yashoda learned to mistrust god-men and
to express her devotion towards sacred idols.
She was only eight years old when she developed a strong desire to have a vision
of Nataraja, Shiva in the form of the Cosmic Dancer. She did, in her own
bedroom, only it was Shiva
in the form of a sadhu with a great belly and long matted hair. She only recognized him later.
She with her mother and brother joined a tour to visit temples in India to have darshan of the deities. The tour leader took the group on a considerable detour to visit Dehradun and have darshan of a yogi. Yashoda was quite upset. She had no interest in god-men.
"I was slow and unenthusiastic about getting ready. By the time I went to the hall, Swamiji was already in samadhi. When I saw Swamiji, I began to cry. It was not a matter of devotion or prayers. I just could not help but cry. The next two nights, the same thing happened. I would see Swamiji in samadhi and I could not help but cry. Only on the fourth night did I go to the hall early enough to see Swamiji walk in the room and take his seat on the asana. Only then did I see his body standing and recognize the great belly and long matted hair. Then I recognized Shivabalayogi as the yogi who had appeared in my room."
When Yashoda was twelve years old, a voice told her to avoid marriage. Now, this was not a subject a child would ever bring up with the parents. It was the parents' duty to arrange all these things in the proper time, usually when the daughter was fourteen to sixteen. It was at this age that Yashoda's father brought her a proposal. Yashoda prayed to Lord Nataraja and fasted to stop the marriage. She was forced to meet the young man, and that evening she argued with Nataraja all night.
Nataraja appeared and asked why she was worrying. "You are in my hands. I will see that you don't get married."
Swamiji happened to be in Sri Lanka and visited Yashoda's parents' house. Her father was in tears pleading for Swamiji's help to get Yashoda married. All of the family members were in the room. Swamiji asked the family members what they thought. Her mother and three brothers agreed to allow Yashoda to decide. Swamiji then told her father, "See, don't force her or she will not have a happy life. Leave her to me. I will protect her." The father dropped the idea of marriage.
The next time Yashoda visited Bangalore Swamiji asked her to stay at the ashram. Her brother, Sathya Sheelan, stayed to become the ashram office manager. Yashoda stayed at the Bangalore ashram until Swamiji entered mahasamadhi.
After Yashoda first met Swamiji in Dehradun, her tears for darshan of Lord Nataraja pretty much stopped,
although every now and again she would shed some. One day in Bangalore, she was crying a lot for Lord Nataraja and she went
to Swamiji. She was a little embarrassed to find several devotees with him, but she could not stop crying.
"Amma, what do you want?"
Yashoda replied Nataraja.
Swamiji put vibhuti on her and made her sit in a corner of the room. Yashoda traveled to many worlds. She saw many beautiful buildings, beings, gardens, forests, and all manner of creation. Some people were dressed in exceedingly fine clothes and gorgeous jewelry. Each sight was more and more wonderful than the last. It was beauty beyond description. Yashoda ended up in a most splendid world where the tables looked like they were cut from diamonds. She passed by so many gods and goddesses, some of whom she recognized, like Brahma and Vishnu. But she was looking for Nataraja and failed to even pranam to these powerfully wonderful beings.
Just as she seemed to be getting close to Lord Nataraja himself, she was pulled back into her body.
Swamiji acted ignorant of what Yashoda had experienced. He asked her to describe what she had seen in detail. As she described a world Swamiji would identify the Loka by name.
At the time she felt frustrated because she had not been able to see Nataraja. Only after the mahasamadhi did she come to realize that Swamiji had indeed granted her wish. Lord Nataraja was before her as she related all that she had seen in her astral travel. Shivabalayogi is Nataraja.
When Swamiji traveled to the USA in 1988 and 1989, Yashoda thought that maybe it was time for her to leave the ashram. Her family was encouraging her to leave, saying that she had done more than her share of service. She was beginning to believe it. She thought that she would go travel to visit several temples and have darshan of Lord Nataraja in Chidambaram.
Meanwhile in the USA, Swamiji had a vision of Yashoda taking a bath in the Ganges and her brother, Maheshwaran, crying and distraught because Yashoda was lost. Swamiji called Bangalore and talked with Singh. Yashoda was no longer there, but Singh thought maybe she might pass through on her way north to the Ganges. Swamiji told Singh that if Yashoda came to the ashram, to be sure to have her call Swamiji in the USA, and he gave a telephone number where he could be reached.
Yashoda did show up, but Singh did not forward any message. Someone told her that Swamiji had left a message for her with Singh. When Yashoda went to Singh, he denied having any message. Yashoda was not concerned because she was thinking that talking with Swamiji might make it difficult for her to act on her decision to leave the ashram. So she and her brother Maheshwaran left for Benares.
When they arrived at the Ganges, they decided to take turns bathing. That way, one of them could be watching their clothes and valuables to make sure no one stole them while bathing.
The first to bathe was Yashoda. As she entered the waters, she found herself rising up. She felt very good and it was a pleasant experience. Then she felt someone pulling her back into her body. As she got out of the water, she thought she had been blessed with a nice experience from the bathing, and she told about it to her brother.
Maheshwaran was anxious for his bath hoping that he would have the same experience. He had no such experience.
Yashoda decided to return to Bangalore so she could tell Swamiji directly about her decision to leave the ashram. Swamiji's response was, "You are trying to leave me? You cannot do that. You are born to serve me. Who do you think this body belongs to?"
Then Swamiji related his vision in the USA, the message he had left for her to telephone him, and how he had pulled her back into her body. Swamiji had a sore shoulder while in the USA. He complained to Yashoda that he had to pull her back with his sore shoulder.
A secret from Yashoda:
after Swamiji took his bath, he would ask for food and often while the boys dried
his feet he would do childish pranks.
One day Yashoda was cleaning behind one of the curtains and did not notice Swamiji coming in. Swamiji noticed her there and grabbed her. "Oh, you think you can get away?" This turned into a game they played over the next two months. Each day Yashoda would find some hiding place in Swamiji's room until she finally ran out of new places to hide. When Swamiji found her, he would shout and laugh.
It was during this time that Swamiji asked Yashoda to completely surrender herself to him. She replied, “I surrender completely to you.”
Swamiji said, "Promise me by placing your hand on my hand." She did that.
The next day, Yashoda again played the game of hide-and-seek. At the time, the Lingam which is now placed in the Brahma-Vishnu-Maheshwara Temple was kept on a cloth-covered stool in Swamiji's room. She thought she would hide under that cloth so Swamiji would not see her.
Swamiji could not find her. "Where is Yashoda? She has gone." He never thought to look under the Lingam. He asked the boys to lock the room. "We'll see how she enters."
Yashoda thought to herself that this day she would really surprise Swamiji and she will have the last laugh. Swamiji started puja. Yashoda got frightened and got up. Swamiji was surprised to see her peeking out. His reaction was a mix of anger, shock, surprise -- so many reactions at once. Swamiji motioned for her to stay there and he continued to do puja. He poured water over the Lingam, then he would do the same over her head.
The next thing she realized was that she was in Kailash watching Swamiji do puja.
After Swamiji brought her back into her body, she asked him why he had brought her back. "You were born to do Swamiji's work. Make breakfast."
Yashoda had been very embarrassed when Swamiji poured alternate spoons of water on the lingam and also on her head. She asked Swamiji why he had done that. Swamiji replied, “You remember you surrendered your self to Swamiji yesterday? Today, by pouring the water on your head, I offered you to Lord Shiva.”
Swamiji does not accept or keep any offering for himself. Whatever is offered to him, he in turn offers it to his Guru – Lord Shiva. Even when Swamiji was garlanded, he would close his eyes and remain still. His eyes would open and he would move or talk only after the garland was removed. This was his way of offering the garland to his Guru. Yashoda had offered herself to Shivabalayogi who offered her to Lord Shiva, Shankara Bhagavan.
Over the years and months before Swamiji dropped his physical form, Yashoda knew very well that Swamiji's body was failing him. She decided that if Swamiji entered mahasamadhi, she too will follow him. When the news came to the Bangalore ashram that Swamiji's body had died in Kakinada, Yashoda went into a state of shock and bhava. It was in that state that she traveled to Adivarapupeta to be there when Swamiji's body was interred in the Samadhi. That bhava lasted weeks and served to keep her in this life.
Circumstances at the Bangalore ashram changed after Swamiji dropped his physical form and Yashoda Akka remained in Adivarapupeta where she continued her service to Swamiji, the ashram, and devotees. She spent more and more time in meditation in addition to helping manage the operation and direction of the Adi Ashram.
Yashoda Akka suffered a stroke while in her room at the Adivarapeta ashram in the early morning hours of February 21, 2023. She was hospitalized the same day. She did not regain consciousness and passed away on February 27 at about 01:20 P.M. Yashoda had bought a piece of land adjacent to the Adi Ashram. As she had wished, her body was buried there on Wednesday, March 1, 2023.
Almost twenty-nine years later, Yashoda's wish has been granted. She is with Shivabalayogi with body and soul.
